Don't look back!

Picture:  Me last week in Uganda...this is huge for me to post this!  I am mortified at the size I am.  Just putting that out there.  LOL

Now on to the point...
I was shopping ALL day today for something brown to wear for one of our shows in Brazil...WOW!  I can't even begin to tell you how much fun I did NOT have trying on clothes.  I spent my whole entire day searching and searching for something.  First I went to Grapevine Mills mall to the Neiman's outlet.  I LOVE the Neiman's outlet.  I can usually find all kinds of things that I want but don't need at all and usually I leave with nothing...too expensive...still!  I like digging thru all the clothes and finding the really good things...too expensive...never buy them...but still fun!  Well, today I totally would've bought something.  I NEEDED something.  You can never find it if you are actually seeking it out.  If you don't need it it pops up everywhere...tempting you at every turn.  Anyway...there was this dress...beautiful dress...long sleeved...brown (what I needed)...it would have been so perfect!  IF...they had my size.  Now this is what makes me soooo mad at myself...the part I referred to in my last post about the physical part of my journey towards discipline...if I would've busted my tail to loose weight in the last six months, like I should have...I would've been able to buy that beautiful, long sleeved, brown dress!  It was an 8...I'm not that far from an 8...I could've been an 8 by now.  I would've been done...by 3 o'clock...but NOOOOO!!!   So...I went to Banana Republic and found a suit that would work...not crazy about how it looked but it worked...pants size "huh?" :-) and jacket size 8...a little snug but I was cool...only size they had.  I thought to myself..."I'll go to another Banana on the way home and see if they have a 10 in the jacket."  Did that...tried it all together in the dressing room...ummmm...I just HAD to look back in the mirror behind me...BAD IDEA!!!  I wanted to run my car off the nearest bridge when I left that store.  See...this is the problem.  Instead of being a very normal thing to do...shop...it almost became a suicide attempt!  :-)  I hope you know I'm kidding!!!!  LOL.  But really...it should not be what it is...which is very depressing!!  

What the heck is wrong with me?!?!?!  I want it!  I really do!  But something is disconnected...somehow I can't seem to muster up enough determination to actually bust my tail and get the weight off!  That's why I am praying that the Lord will connect what is disconnected for me and I will...with much hard work and discipline...do what I have failed to do for more than 5 years...LOSE THE WEIGHT.  I am all for the ones who love themselves as they are but I am not in love with me.  Not even close!  The inside...I like...well...I like the fact that I am always wanting to grow and be more like Christ...I like me...the person.  But I don't like me...the outside...the body.  So my journey begins.  The process starts now.  Tomorrow I leave for Brazil and it is THE perfect time for me to be committed to work out every single day possible...and push myself.  A goal of one week is very doable!  Please pray for me this week...I'm gonna need it.  Satan has had enough of my life and the Lord deserves better than I have been giving Him.    This is me ten years ago...I know what you're thinking...too skinny...BUT...I would love to be this size again.  It's not that skinny...right?!?!?!  This picture is also embarrassing...but it's one of the only pictures I have that motivates me!  I'm not trying to look like Gisele...I'm just trying to look like me...ten years ago!  And I will...just wait and see!  In the words of Sherman Clump aka the Nutty Professor "YES I CAN!  YES...I...CAN!  YES I CAN!!!!  LOL  Thanks for praying...I'll periodically keep ya posted on my progress!  I'm glad you'll be with me on the journey!

Finally!

I am finally starting a blog...can you believe it?!?!?!  A few friends have suggested that I do it but I've just put it off for soooo long.  I am excited to start now for two reasons...1. I am moving to Nashville in a few weeks and it will be a really good way for everyone to keep up with what I am doing.  2.  I'll be going overseas a few times in the next couple of months and will be able to show all of you what I am experiencing and doing when I can't talk to you on the phone, And 3.  I'm starting a book called "So You Want To Be Like Christ?" by Swindoll which is mainly about discipline.  Which is a topic that we can all shed some light on...and I would love to discuss it with all my friends.  Of course, I would love to be disciplined in every area of my life but I am better at setting smaller goals in order to reach a larger one than I am at just going for it!  So...what I am tackling first...two things.  1. my physical body...I will go more into that later on and 2. my relationship with Christ...which is why this book is so great right now.  I've had the book for a while but never read it.  Kirk told us about it a year ago...he reads it over and over.  Which is what I am going to have to do with it.  It's funny how quickly we forget.  I have an adopted theory on that...I'll share it later but basically it goes like this.  If the seed is planted but not cultivated (meditated on) the enemy can come in and steal it...the deeper the root the harder it is to steal.  Why do you think we forget by Monday morning what the sermon was about on Sunday?!?!?!  Surely we aren't that forgetful.  It would make sense that something else is at work...wouldn't it???  So, I will have to keep this book with me until it's so deeply rooted that nothing can snatch it from my mind...so well hidden in my heart that only me and my Father know where to find it.  

That is WAY more than I planned to write in my first post but whatever!  I think this will be fun!  I LOVE reading my friends blogs...I try to visit them everyday.  It's a great way to keep up with each other.  So, I hope you enjoy mine like I do yours!  And although I'm a little behind in starting this blog...well into my ninth year with Kirk...I'll try to eventually get the whole story up...pics and all!  I'm going to try and post about some of my Uganda trip tonight or tomorrow.   I only have two days before I leave for Brazil but I'll do my best!