Friday, October 24, 2008

the apple

First of all, I want you to go and read this before anything else.  It's beautiful.  My friend Angie has an amazing story and if you have time at some point you should definitely go back and read ALL...yes, all of her posts.  They will bless you and cause your heart to be stirred but more importantly they will point you in the direction of the Savior...you will fall in love with him in a deeper way by the way she has chosen to love him in the midst of her pain.  

I'm sorry that I haven't posted in such a long time and I am hoping that I can catch up within the next few weeks.  I have some things I want to share and then just some random meaningless nothings that will make you laugh.  I was journaling today and decided to share one of my recent journal entries with you.  

October 22, 2008

"Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.  All of you, take up My yoke and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for yourselves.  For My yoke is easy and My burden light."        Matt. 11:28-30

In elementary school I was not the most popular kid.   I had glasses...pretty thick ones if I remember correctly and was pencil thin.  Oh to be thin again!  :-)  I'm working on it!  LOL.  I didn't dress with name brands and get my clothes from the mall.  I wore mostly hand-me-downs.  Mind you, I was oblivious to this.  I never thought anything of it and actually was excited to have "new" clothes.  My parents bought me new clothes too but people in the church would always give me their clothes when they outgrew them.  I was always a pretty easy kid to please.  So, back to the story...I remember one day very well.  It was one of the days we ate our lunch outside.  I guess, from time to time, Mrs. Converse...my teacher...thought it was too beautiful a day to stay inside for lunch.

We opened out lunch boxes...pretty sure mine was a Cabbage Patch Kids lunch box with the lovely Thermos :-)...and we pulled out whatever our mothers had packed for us to eat.  I can't remember exactly what mine had in it but I do remember that I had a shiny red apple.  I'm sure my mom had packed a sandwich and some chips as well but the reason I remember the apple so well is because at some point, and I'm almost positive that it was before I had taken a single bite, it was out of my hands and the other kids were kicking it around the playground.  I was devastated.  I remember my heart breaking watching them kick my apple around that day.  It might as well have been my heart they were kicking around.  It wasn't because I had wanted that apple so badly or that I had been looking forward to eating it all morning...I mean, seriously, I was in elementary school and I am sure I would've rather had cookies but it was the fact that it belonged to me and they didn't care that it hurt my feelings.  I have been called super sensitive on many occasions but I was really sensitive when I was little.  Kids can be cruel and I'm sure that they were just having fun and obviously way too young to think about how it would make me feel but as I was heart broken just the same.  I don't remember exactly what went through my mind but I do remember picking up my apple, post-kicking, and it looked horrible.  It was all bruised and scarred...some of the peeling was hanging off and it wasn't shiny anymore.  I went back to the classroom with my little heart just as torn up as that apple.  We all sat down at our desks and when we all got quite Mrs. Converse called me up to her desk.  I was so embarrassed.  After what had just happened, I wasn't sure what was about to go on.  I hoped she wasn't in on it too and decided I hadn't been humiliated enough.  She reached into her desk drawer and pulled out...a piece of candy.  This story would've been perfect had she pulled out a brand new shiny red apple.  But sometimes stories with happy endings aren't always perfect...which, in a way, makes them even more special.  In front of the whole class she held out that candy for me and told the class that because they had been so mean and had kicked my apple around that she was giving me this piece of candy and that I had permission to eat it right then and there.  It reminds me of a certain prayer..."You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies"  HELLO SOMEBODY!!!!  :-)  I don't remember if I ate it then or saved it but I do remember walking back to my desk feeling so much better.  I felt special.  I felt validated.  I'm sure that I smiled on my way back to my desk and good while after.  I have never forgotten that teacher...Mrs. Converse.  I could tell you exactly what she looked like to this day.  

I will never forget that day...here I am, an almost 32 year old woman, and I still remember the way I felt that day.  As I sit here on my balcony, with a heart a little beaten up, bruised, sometimes kicked around, and with a few scars, I can't help but think of how Mrs. Converse showed me a little bit of Jesus that day...whether she meant to or not.  I feel like my heart has been kicked around the playground again...intentional or unintentional...but today, instead of Mrs. Converse, God has come to the rescue.  He has picked my heart up out of the dirt and is dusting it off in His precious nail scarred hands.  He knows exactly what it's like to have a heart as broken and scarred as mine.   Of course, He's not going to pull a brand new shiny red heart out of his desk drawer but He is going to work on mine and make it as good as new.  Sure, it will still have some scars and the memory being broken from time to time but it will be whole.  It will be washed and mended and covered in the blood of Jesus.  

I know I'm not the only one with a broken heart.  I am sure have been the reason some hearts have been broken. But I also know that in Christ there is total restoration and redemption.  He alone can mend our broken hearts.  He alone can set my captive soul free.  I am so glad that He is always willing to bring healing.  We are in constant need of a Savior.  In the best and the worst of times we can count him trustworthy.  When we feel lonely He is always there.  He is ready and  oh so willing for us to hand over our pitiful broken hearts and let him go to work.  Now, the process is always going to be painful but you can be assured that the end result is a heart that is whole...a heart that is strong.  Trust Him with your heart...there is no safer place for it then in His loving hands.  


"...we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character provides hope.  This hope does not disappoint, because God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."        Romans 5:3-5

What a precious gift!!!