David and Goliath

I am so sorry that I have not posted the next part of Garrison's story yet.  I have been out of town but I will post the next part of the story tomorrow!  Thanks for being patient with me!  I do want to share something that Kirk shared with us on this trip.  

I should start by reminding you of my time with the Lord a few mornings ago.  The "change the thinking...change the person" post.  I asked God to show me how to change my thinking and he started with this...

We all know the story of David and Goliath, right?  Well, I have never really noticed the few words that Kirk pointed out to us yesterday.  1 Samuel 17:48..."As Goliath moved closer to attack, David quickly ran out to meet him."  If you are not familiar with the story and don't know the odds that were against David, I encourage you to read the story in it's entirety in 1 Samuel 17.

How many of us have giants in our own lives that come to attack us on a daily basis?  Whether it be addiction, self image, pride, hatred, jealousy, etc.  How many of us actually run out to meet our giants as David did...ready to show the world what the Lord can do in the most unlikely ways...using us...the most unlikely of warriors?  But doesn't he do just that?  If we really believed that, would we not run out to meet the giants in our lives so the world would see the glory of God through it?  I am challenged today as I really think about what that means for me.  I know something of what the Lord wants from me and can no longer be ignorant to it.  He has called me to face the giants in my life like David did...not waiting in the shadows for them to find me and kill me but by running out to meet them...conquer them with the power that he has given me so that the world might see his glory and know that he is a righteous God...a God that can do the "impossible"!  I am not powerless to my enemy!  He has no authority over me...I'm covered with the blood of the Lamb!  And SO ARE YOU...if you've accepted him as your Savior.  So run out and meet those "giants" in your life with the power that Jesus Christ has given you!  You no longer have to hide...run out to meet them!

"Remember , dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world's eyes, or powerful, or wealthy when God called you.  Instead, God deliberately chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise.  And he chose those who are powerless to shame those who are powerful.  God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important so that no one can ever boast in the presence of God."  1 Corinthians 1:26-29

"For nothing is impossible with God."  Luke 1:37

Garrison Manning

The story begins with a phone call.  Breanne, my sister, called me to tell me she was pregnant.  I was the first in the family to know about it.  It was not something to be proud of because my sister was unmarried at the time and seeing how we, the Guilbert kids, are ministers kids...well, you can just imagine.  I'll say it now because I may forget later in the story, that our church family was very supportive of Breanne and the entire family throughout the twenty-three weeks she was pregnant and especially in the seven weeks that Garrison was alive.  I will forever be grateful to Trinity Baptist Church for their love and compassion on us.  

My sister and I have not always had the best relationship.  I am ten years older than her.  I have always been motherly.  When I was little I would ask kids that were no more than an inch shorter than me if they "wanted me to hold them?"  When she came, I instantly adopted her...not only as a sister but MY baby too.  I loved to take care of her.  I helped my mom with her so much that she started calling me mommy.  When I was around eighteen or nineteen the Lord made it clear to me that the way I treated her...which must not have been good...was shaping her self esteem and I needed to value her and help to build her up, not tear her down.  Something changed inside of me and I began to do just that.  I loved her to the best of my ability and it showed.  We became very close.  She is...to this day...the only person that can make me laugh real tears!  I had no idea what the future held and how my love for her would grow and change.  

Back to the phone call...

I tried the best I knew how to encourage her that day.  I promised her that I would not tell our parents the news...we both agreed that she should tell them.  I will never forget her telling me his name.  I knew she had named him so that she would not do anything to harm him or "fix" her problem.  I knew God was doing something.  She said..."I have already given him a name...do you want to know what it is?"  She didn't know he was a boy then...it was too early.   She said..."his name is Garrison!"  I instantly loved it.  I would find out later the meaning of his name and how appropriate it was for his journey.  

The day finally came that she called mom and dad and told them she had something to tell them and asked them to meet her at their house.  I was there...in from Dallas...and I think I was supposed to leave the day before but decided to stay.  I was very proud of the way they handled the news.  They did not judge her...they loved her through it and if I ever, God forbid, have to be in the same situation...pray that I would be as loving to my child as they were to Breanne.  My dad said she was immediately to pack her things and move home with them.  

We became more and more excited about the baby...little Garrison...as the weeks went by.  The first grand baby and nephew was on his way into our family.  

At around twenty-three weeks pregnant, Breanne went to one of Brennan's (my youngest brother) basketball games with my parents on February 13th.  She complained of some cramping on the way home and just thought it was Braxton Hicks contractions.  She went to sleep that night but woke up very early in the morning complaining of pain so my parents took her to the hospital...she was in labor.  They tried to the best of their ability to stop the contractions but couldn't.  Arrangements were made for her to be sent to UAMS in Little Rock.  My parents called me that morning around 8:00 and told me what was going on.  At that point there was just talk about Little Rock but no decisions had been made.  When they called me a few hours later with the news of the transport, I got in my car and headed that way.  I was about an hour behind the ambulance.  When I got to UAMS, they had her in a room and were trying to stop the labor.  Nothing was working and it was apparent that he was coming...like it or not.  They wanted to try and hold her off for at least a week.  The survival rate would increase dramatically in a baby born at 24 weeks.   At around 8:00pm I had gone into the waiting room to talk to my sister-in-law, Jessica.  I was in the waiting room for about five minutes then headed back to check on Breanne.   Doctors and nurses were rushing around and going crazy...my heart sank.  I knew what was happening.  I ran back to the waiting room to tell Jessica and the others...I only remember saying..."she needs to push!"  Jessica, sweet sister, saw my face and the tears welling up in my eyes and hugged me.  I felt like I would be sick...knowing that what was about to happen should not be happening and knowing the outcome could be devastating.  It's funny, as I write this, I remember clearly that it never crossed my mind that he would die.  

February 14th...He arrived after only three pushes.  Our little Valentine...weighing in at only 1lb. 6oz. and 13 inches long.  I couldn't believe how tiny he was.  The doctor's

 rushed him out of the room.  They were gone for what seemed like an eternity.  When the doctor came back in she told us that they spent three minutes trying to resuscitate him and finally got him back.  "Three minutes?!?"  I prayed, "Lord, please don't let there be any brain damage!"  They brought him into the room...tiny little guy with tubes running everywhere and closed up in a plastic bed.  Eyes still fused shut...skin only three cells thick...lungs so premature that he could not breathe on his own.  Poor baby...you could tell he was crying but nothing was coming out.  The tubes would prevent us from ever hearing his little cry.  Breanne looked at him...crying and scared.  

They brought her a postcard size blue sheet of paper with is feet and hand prints on it.  Mom wanted to take a picture so I got the camera out and started snapping...pictures of Garrison...pictures of the little blue card and Breanne holding it.  She stopped me..."Please, I don't want very many pictures."  Crying...we held her.  We prayed...begging God to let him live.  I don't know, nor do I want to know, what was going through her mind at that moment.  I realized when she asked me not to take any pictures that she was scared to let herself think he would live...

but live he did!!    Part 2 tomorrow.

Tuesdays

I love Tuesdays!  It's a highlight of my week.  It's the night I go to church.  It's called Kairos...it means "a unique moment in time".  I just love it.  Pastor Mike is awesome.  He does something that I have never before been a part of.  It's usually before the message but sometimes he does it at the end.  He has us close our eyes and then leads us through a process.  It's never the same process but it's purpose is always the same.  He tells us to clear out all the clutter of the day...all the stress...all the to do's...everything that crowds our minds and keeps us from focusing on Jesus.  The first time I went and he did that I cried the whole time.  I realized how cluttered my mind is and how it leaves no room to think about the Lord.  It just sets up a time with you and God that is so precious.  I love it...did I mention that?!?!?!  :-)

Anyway...every now and then I help lead praise and worship.  It's great!   After kairos a few of us go to Stoney River to eat dinner.  We have the same waitress...Laura...every Tuesday.  She has our drinks memorized and brings them out without even asking.  We have a blast just enjoying each others company and laughing at each others stories.  I ate a salad last night and I am convinced that I burned up all the calories in it just laughing until midnight.  We stay well after closing...they don't get mad or try to get us to leave...they just let us stay.  Then we spend another 30 minutes in the parking lot laughing some more.  It's a great time.

I realize every time that I leave and head home how important fellowship and friendship is to me.  I also realize how much I isolate myself.  I leave with a healthy deposit in my "tank" and I feel so much better.  I also love it because my life is not very structured.  It creates a sense of normalcy in my life and I crave that.  I LOVE what I do...wouldn't trade it for the world but I sometimes don't know what to do with myself if I'm not doing music.  I don't think that's good.  At least, not for me.  So, I am so grateful to the Lord for giving me the very things that I need and I know He wants for me so early on here in Nashville.  I have some great friends who have adopted me into their lives and love me without even knowing me all that well yet.  I am so blessed to have them in my life and pray that God continues to bring people into my life like them.  

I'm going to start a new post that will probably be in parts tomorrow.  I am going to share the story of my first nephew...Garrison...with all of you.  Many already know his story but I told it to my brother's new pastor's wife the other day and decided that I don't talk about him enough.  What better way to do that than here.  I hope that you are blessed by his short seven weeks on this earth and that this little warrior will strengthen your faith as he has mine and countless others.  

Until then...

A little off...

I have been a really bad blogger!  I just realized that it's been a whole month since I posted last.  So....I thought I'd just give a little update and a promise to blog more...for the two people who read this stuff!!!  LOL.  

I have been in Nashville now for a little over a month.  I have been here a grand total of 12 days  in that month.  Ha.  I have finally had a full week...well almost...tomorrow makes a week.  Anyway, I haven't done much other than just work on decorating and organizing the house and hanging out with some friends.  I did an EMI showcase last Tuesday for a few artists...Jason Champion, Anthony Evans, and Heather Headley.  It was fun and it was a little exposure here in Nashville.  

I am getting used to living by myself.  It's not my favorite thing...being alone...but I realize that some alone time is good.  I have fun by myself for the most part...I used to think people that went to the movies and stuff by themselves were crazy but I like it from time to time.  I think I was built for companionship though...I can be in the room with someone else and not say a word and be perfectly content. 

Today has been a little difficult.  Don't really know why.  I have just felt a little down.  As I type this I'm tearing up...again, don't know why.  I woke up feeling a little raw.  It could be hormonal.  I'm sure it is.  I went out on the balcony to read this morning...a ritual of mine.  I love to read out there.  I finished a book out there the other night...stayed up until 4am.  I couldn't put the book down!  Anyway...it was exactly what I needed this morning.  I read a Max Lucado devotional...Grace For The Moment.  It's great.  I take the scripture and then read that whole chapter.  It just seems to work for me that way.  I'm not a close your eyes, open the bible,  read whatever your finger lands on kind of person.  LOL  So this system has been the best for me.  This is what I read...

Whatever is true, whatever is honorable....if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  Philippians 4:8

Change the thoughts, and you will change the person.  If today's thoughts are tomorrow's actions, what happens when we fill our minds with thoughts of God's love?  Will standing beneath the downpour of his grace change the way we feel about others? (or ourselves)

Paul says absolutely!  It's not enough to keep the bad stuff out.  We've got to let the good stuff in.  It's not enough to keep no list of wrongs.  We have to cultivate a list of blessings:  "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, thank about these things."  Thinking conveys the idea of pondering---studying and focusing, allowing what is viewed to have an impact on us.  

Rather than store up the sour, store up the sweet.

A Love Worth Giving

Max Lucado

This was such a sweet gift this morning from the Lord.  I woke up just feeling off...not that good about myself...down for no reason.  I hate that.  I have no idea what caused it other than remembering that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."  Even my own flesh and blood.  I find it hard sometimes not to believe the lies that satan tells me.  I know he hates me and that I should give him no room at all but sometimes I believe him.  This morning and for most of the day today...I believed every word.  I have had a strong desire to know the Lord in a more real and personal way lately.  I long for it.  I should have known that he would fight me on it...that he would show up sooner or later.  Praise God that the battle for my soul was won on calvary and that he has no right to me because I've been bought with a price...a high price and nothing could ever separate me from the love of Christ!!!  

If you feel defeated or depressed or if you have a hard time taking those lies captive...like I do sometimes.  I pray for you along with myself in the battle for our minds.  Satan knows exactly what to tell us and what we will believe.  I, for instance...as a great friend so gently put it...will believe a lie before I will believe the truth.  Unfortunately, he was right.  So...If you tend to do the same thing...do what he told me to do.  FIGHT FOR THE TRUTH...simply said but hard work!  We can do it!!!!  God has given us the instructions to do so....

"For this reason, take up the whole armor of God so that you may be able to take a stand whenever evil comes.  And when you have done everything you could, you will be able to stand firm.  Stand firm, therefore, having fastened the belt of truth around your waist, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and being firm-footed in the gospel of peace.  In addition to having clothed yourselves with these things, having taken up the shield of faith, with which you will be able to put out all the flaming arrows of the evil one, also take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the WORD OF GOD."  Ephesians 6:13-17

STAND FIRM

I'm here!

I am finally in Nashville.  I have been unloading boxes for the last few days.  I have almost called Goodwill several times to just come and get it and have there way with it all.  Some of it has been fun though.  Like pulling all of my things to put around the house out of the box and unwrapping them.  It's been almost six months since I've seen any of it so it all felt like new again.  I love my little antiques.  I just have random stuff that I love..."weird and unusual stuff"...those are the exact words of one of the movers that helped me unload my truck when I got to Nashville.  I didn't know if I should be offended or flattered!  :-)  There are tons of antique stores around here and fun little boutiques with cool stuff.  I can't wait to go look around...without my wallet!  I will go back when I'm not so excited and prone to spend excessively!  Ha.  

The view from my balcony is so beautiful!  I live off of Old Hickory...there are lots and lots of hills and I am on the top floor so I can see for miles.  I took this picture with my phone...it doesn't really do it justice but there it is.

I will post more pics when I finish decorating and get everything in it's place.  But for now I just thought I'd let you know that I finally made it!  

I have a home!

I finally found a place to live in Nashville!  AND....I love it!!!!!  I wanted a two bedroom so when people come to see me...which will hopefully be often :-)...I can have a place for them to stay.  I also wanted a two bedroom so I can do all of my artsy/creative things and not have to drag everything out every time I want to work on something.  It comes with a washer and dryer...has a fireplace...and a storage "room" inside the apartment.  Most places don't offer the storage, unless it's a tiny closet off the balcony, and never do you find a place with a washer and dryer unless you have to pay extra for them.  The storage room will house my vast collection of Christmas decorations...I'm a little over the top with Christmas time and decorating but it's just who I am and I'm not apologizing for it!  :-)   I am super excited.  The Lord totally worked everything out and I am so relieved to be done with that process!   Now I just have to get all of my things, load them up in a Uhaul, and head back this way.  I am going to Montrose, CO in the morning...6am flight YUCK...and then home on Saturday to spend time with my family until I leave for Nashville.  I'll post more pics of Gage soon and Harper...they are the best.  I can't imagine our family without them now...they're such a blessing!  Everyone have fun tomorrow celebrating freedom!  

My nephew...everybody!!!

Presenting Gage Edwin Duffey...my sweet baby nephew!!!  5lbs 10ozs.  18 and 3/4 inches long.  The Guilbert family is expanding rapidly!  LOVE IT!!!!!