Okay...so I already posted some pics today of Harper (check the post before this one) but Jessica just took these and I had to put them up!  They are too cute.

TUTU...

Pictures

I wanted to make sure and update you on Baby Pratt!  He is still in the nicu but is being given antibiotics for the infection and based on the results of his spinal tap yesterday will get to go home on Sunday!!!!  Yay!  His parents will get to spend Saturday night at the hospital with him before they take him home!  Thanks for your prayers!  

Now for some recent pictures of my niece, Harper, and my nephew, Gage.  They are the cutest kids!!!  Enjoy...

First...GAGE...they need to send me more pictures but these are the most recent!

 almost 3 months old...baby dedication picture
in his onesie that Lolly got him
breanne and gage at our parents house
gage loves his baby Einstein play mat

little shoes
I love this picture!
ready for bed at Lolly and pops house
look at that face!
Harper at 7 and a half months old...crazy girl!!

getting ready to crawl
it's our favorite when she puts her gums together like this!

I love this picture!
all about this face...Harper on her changing pad sitting up like a big girl
happy girl
and again...just happy
so cute in her little smocked outfit
baby dedication photo shoot...




Heith, Jessica, and Harper on baby dedication day at their church in Lafayette, LA
Mother/Daughter pic
more of baby dedication photo shoot....

They are the greatest little people!  I miss them so much!

Pratt. Allen. Fulks.

Please pray for a friend of mine and her little boy Pratt this morning.  I don't know all the details but I just got a text from a friend that informed me that Pratt...born Saturday evening...has been put in the nicu because he is having trouble breathing.  I don't know any of the details but I do know that no matter what the issue, having your brand new baby in the nicu for any reason is a super scary thing.  I am asking all of you to lift little Pratt up to the Lord and his parents Hannah and Clint.  This is their first baby and I know they would appreciate all of our prayers! Her blog is in my blog list.  Thank you!

Going home...

The trip to Europe has come to an end and we head to the airport in less than three hours.  It's been a great trip!  Hopefully I will have some pictures soon to share with you.  We did 7 shows while we were here.  I will write more about the trip when I get home but for now...Please pray for us as we travel.  We start at 4am and get home Friday night around 7:30pm.  See you in the States!!! 

Europe...

Well...it's the middle of the night and I am supposed to be packing for my trip to Europe.  Before you get all excited for me and wish you were going with me, I should mention that this is not a "fun" trip.  It's a work trip in every sense of the word.  We have 7 shows in 9 days...6 different countries.  Hard trip for us but it will be super fun.  I might come back and hibernate for 2 days just to catch up on rest but we will make the most of it!  On two occasions we will ride a bus to the next city...this will be the extent of our sightseeing this go round because of time.  But, I am going to several cities that I've never been before so I'm excited about that...even though I may only get to see the hotel and the venue, I will still be able to say that I've been there!  I am so thankful for my life and I feel so blessed that God has called me to do this...especially since I get to sing about Him!!  I will be leaving tomorrow (technically today) and coming back on the 12th.  I will try to post while I'm gone but have no idea what internet situation will be in any of the hotels I'm in and I refuse to pay a million dollars for one day of internet access.  However, some hotels offer free internet from time to time and I am hoping that at least one of them will be one of the some.  Anyway, back to my trip.  I am in the process of packing.  I stopped because I got frustrated and this is why.  When traveling within Europe they only allow one carry on bag and one checked bag that can only weigh 44 pounds...very random...but I don't want to spend every dime I make over there on luggage fees.  So, I'm trying to accomplish this task.  Anyone who knows me well or has ever traveled with me knows that I am not a light packer.  I pack the "just in case" stuff.  I feel panicky if I don't have extra.  Well, the plan is to pack 3 outfits for stage and 3 outfits for everyday and just switch it up.  I went to Dillard's the other day and they had their Adidas sweatsuits on sale for 50 percent off.  They are light weight and I can put a fresh t-shirt on under them each day.  I still think that's gross, to wear the same things for several days in a row.  But, I have no choice.  Now I'm getting stressed and feel the beginnings of a headache coming on.  I should get back to the packing...I have to go funnel hair products into tiny bottles so they don't take up precious poundage in my bag!  Then hopefully, I can at least get a few hours sleep before my ride gets here bright and early!   

Garrison Manning Guilbert...final post.

When Garrison was born on the 14th I asked a friend to start up a prayer website for him.  It was a way for Breanne and the rest of us to see the number of people praying for her "wittle man".  A few days later someone told me about a website that was for people like us...families with loved ones in the hospital...a way for everyone at home to keep up with Garrison's progress and a direct line for prayer requests.  It was such a blessing and I recommend it to anyone who has a sick loved one in the hospital for a lengthy stay.  You can visit Garrison's page...it's still up...at caringbridge.org.  Go to the VISIT link at the top of the page and when the page loads type in garrsionguilbert in the first box and enter.  The journal has every post we ever wrote and also has all of the entries in the guestbook that were ever written.  It will take you a long time to read the story but it has much more detail then I could write here.  I have spent the entire night reading it all again...reliving it...which brought back many memories.  I have cried as if it happened yesterday.

From March 21st to April 7th we held strong to our faith.  We knew that God could, at any moment, completely heal Garrison of all his infection.  We had the promise and the hope of Psalm 34:19 to hold strong to.  Garrison's urine output had been so little that he tripled in size.  He looked like a different baby.  He was on heavy sedation and given morphine for the pain.  There were life saving measures that needed to be taken but the doctor could do none of them in his present state.  At one point he started peeing again and we prayed and prayed for more.  We cried out to Lord for his healing.  My daddy literally screamed at the top of his lungs for it.  He would go out into the yard...my parents live in the country...and cry out to the Lord on Garrison's behalf.  Thinking of that makes me proud but also brings tears to my eyes.  We WANTED him!!!  We didn't want to live our lives without Garrison.  We had a strong bond with him.  We knew if we felt the way we did that Breanne must have felt it a thousand times stronger.  We also knew how much more God loved him...for He had written his story and knew it play by play...moment by moment.  

Garrison did not improve.  He didn't get worse but he didn't get any better.  It was the 6th of April when the doctor told mom and Breanne that there was nothing more that he could do for Garrison...that it was up to him now.   We knew who it was up to...the Healer himself.  And we trusted him.  We held tight to our faith and would not waiver.  

His little body was full of fluid.  I can not even bring myself to share with you the effects his illness had on him...the ones we could see anyway.  I can't even let myself think of the pain he was in...although heavily medicated, I know he felt horrible.  The doctor told them he would not make it through the night.  I was in Dallas...we were recording an album.  It was a Saturday night...I was at an Easter service with my roommate, Kim, and missed my dad's call.   As soon as the service was over I checked my voicemail.  It was bad news...I had to get to Breanne.  My roommate arranged my flight.  I would leave in two hours.  I rushed home and threw my stuff into a suitcase...not knowing what to expect, I packed a black dress.  I hoped I wouldn't need it.  Even as I put it into the suitcase I begged for Garrison to live.  

I arrived in Little Rock at around 10pm.  My dad picked me up and took me straight to the hospital.  When we got to the waiting room...mom and Breanne were in with Garrison.  Dad said we could both go back...it scared me because for all the seven weeks we were there only two at a time could go in to be with him.  I asked..."we can all be in there?"  Dad had a look on his face that I will never forget...he said "they are letting us all be in there for as long as we want."  It crushed me...I knew why.  When I went in, I saw Breanne holding Garrison's hand and singing to him...she looked so tired and so broken.  They asked her if she would like to hold him but told her that if she did, they would not be able to hook him back up to the machines. She wanted him to have the best chance possible and told them no.  I put my hands on his little chest...my fingers left impressions in his skin...I didn't know if I was hurting him but couldn't stand the thought of him not feeling our touch.  We all wanted so badly to comfort him.  My sister could no longer find the strength to sing to him so I began.  The only song in my head was the one we had recorded the day before in the studio.  It's on Kirk's last album...Fight Of My Life.  I sang to him as I lightly touched his chest.  Breanne held his hand.  At times you could tell he was crying but the tubes prevented any sound from coming out.  He was dying.  It was obvious but we continued to pray.  At around 1am all his vitals started plummeting.  I moved aside...could only see the back of the doctor's head...but I heard his words and I saw my sisters face.  "He's not with us anymore."  Breanne went straight for him.  The nurses had to stop her and told her gently that they must remove his tubes before she could hold him.  It would be the first time she held her little boy.  It broke my heart into a million pieces.  She had longed for this day to come...to hold him and kiss him.  It was not supposed to be like this!  My heart began to harden.  I was mad...mad at God.  What of the promises he had given us?  Why had he not healed him?  I was confused.  I screamed so loud that my mom had to push my head into her shoulder to muffle the cries.  It was too much to bear...I felt my heart breaking as if it literally had been torn from my chest...not as much for Garrison as for Breanne.  

We left Little Rock the next day.  I had tried to leave the night before and go home to my parents house and take down all of Garrison's things so my sister would not have to walk into what was supposed to be there.  My dad's truck just shut off as I was driving away and I had to stay.  Some friends of mine went in my place.  Each of them had lost a baby to miscarriage before and knew how Breanne would feel.  Although it was painful for them...they made the sacrifice.  It speaks volumes about their character.  When we drove away from the trailer a sound came from Breanne that I don't ever want to hear again as long as I live.  All those weeks and she left with only the belongings she had brought with her.  Her milk still swelling inside her...a constant reminder of what was lost.  To be honest, it seemed cruel.  My heart hardened even more.  The ride home was rough.  The first stop we had to make in Texarkana (a little over two hours away) was the funeral home.  Another church member and dear friend of the family had come the night before and taken Garrison's body from Children's hospital and brought him home.  Breanne had to pick out his casket.  Nothing will ever prepare you for that.  Seeing those tiny little coffins was enough to send us all back into tears.  She picked a white cloth one. 

 

The funeral was beautiful...a celebration of his life.  He was buried in a little cemetery down the street from my parents house.  They bought plots at the same time so when the Lord takes them home they will lay beside our beloved little Garrison.  

It has been a year and 4 months since he died.  The pain has let up a little.  Garrison has a little brother, Gage, that knows nothing of his brave big brother yet.  But we will tell him all about him when the time comes.  

In Garrison's short life, he had no voice but spoke volumes about Christ.  Many people came back to the Lord...many prayed non-stop for him that had not prayed in a very long time...he changed people's lives.  He brought our church together at a much needed time.  These are only the obvious things that Christ did through his life.  We will never know the full extent of what the Lord did through him.  

I mentioned my heart hardening toward God.  It only took one night to melt it again.  Breanne had come to stay with me shortly after the funeral.  We had been talking about getting tattoos and were looking up some scripture and it's meaning online.  We looked up Psalm 34:19.  The scripture that we had claimed for Garrison.  I was not prepared for what we found.  It is written in Hebrew on the inside of my left forearm.  

The website is called "Hebrew for Christians" and this is what it said.

"Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord will deliver him out of them all. Psalm 34:19"

in Hebrew...

'rabbot ra'ot tzaddik, u'mikkullam yatzilenu Adonai'  

'will deliver him' in Hebrew is 'yatzilenu' which comes from the word 'natzal', a verb that means to ' physically snatch away'...

Lord, forgive my unbelief.  

The promise was true.  He will never fail us.  He is sovereign.  He is faithful.  He will never lie.  

BELIEVE!!!!!

and a few pictures to put faces to the names in this story.  The one above is my tattoo..."The Lord will deliver him." in hebrew.

My sister...these were taken a few weeks after Garrison died...when she was in Dallas with me.

And Garrison's little brother Gage...taken just a few days ago.

The bottom picture of Breanne shows the tattoo she got...the inside of her wrist..."Stinker" what she called Garrison.    

 

Part 3

On February 22nd Garrison was transferred to Children's Hospital because of an opening in one of the valves in his heart that required surgery.  I followed the ambulance the very short distance because Breanne needed her rest and she didn't want him to be alone.  They told us there was no risk in his transport and he would be comfortable.  They assured us that it would cause him no stress.  I watched as they rolled him out of the elevator...they had put a tshirt on him that was way too big!  He looked so cute.  Once he was settled in his new nicu they had Breanne fill out all the paper work for his surgery.  We had been praying since the day we found out about the valve that the Lord would close it.  After they ran the tests at Children's...they found that the valve had only a tiny opening and they would not have to do the surgery until he was older...maybe not at all if it closed on it's own.  We had faith.  That afternoon in the waiting room when they told us the news of not needing the surgery, the Holy Spirit spoke clearly to me that Garrison was there for a reason...that he would go through something really bad but would be okay.  When I think back now, I think the Lord was preparing my heart for what was to come...actually, I know he was.  

It was pretty much smooth sailing for the next few weeks.  He did very well at Children's.  He ended up having to have the surgery to close the valve in his heart.  The procedure has a 98% success rate and we found comfort in that.  They did the surgery at his bedside.  Making a small incision on his back they go in and staple the valve shut.  It was successful and his pulse ox and heart rate improved almost immediately after his recovery.  Through the weeks we had a few set backs but nothing substantial.  His urine output was a concern and the meds they gave him seemed to improve it.  His lungs were some of the worst they had ever seen but he seemed to be hanging in there and there was hope that he would be off the ventilator on schedule.  

On March 20th Breanne...having a mother's intuition...noticed that Garrison was not himself.  He was a fiery little guy!  He would show his temper when the nurses would do something to him that he didn't like.  Things like taking his temp...really anything they did he let them know that he wanted them to leave him alone.  His pulse ox would drop and he would de-sat.  They told Breanne she would have her hands full with this little one!  :-)  At one point during his stay in the nicu he clamped down on his tubes and refused to let go, causing all his levels to drop dramatically.  Breanne and I were just standing there...watching...worried sick.  It was a scary helpless feeling.  They got him back to normal and explained everything to us.  They said that he basically had had a temper tantrum.  Hilarious!  So, when he wasn't himself that night, Breanne began to wonder if something was wrong.  

On the 21st, the doctor told us that Garrison had three infections in his body.  An infection in his blood, his trachea, and pneumonia.  The news was devastating.  Knowing that his lungs were already in bad shape, we knew an infection would only worsen the problem.   We prayed and trusted God that he would be healed and get back on the road to recovery.  Breanne longed to hold him...I could feel it every time she went to sit at his bedside.  They had shown her a video on Kangaroo Care and she knew how important that would be for his journey.  He was never at a place for her to do so.  She says now that when she never got to hold him she knew what was to come.  She did not expect him to live although she had faith that God could do anything.  I guess, as a mother, you would sense such things.  I was so proud of her...how she held to her faith and trusted the Lord at every turn...good and bad.  

On the 22nd, Garrison was doing about the same and since there was no change...Breanne asked mom to take her back to the trailer to get some rest (worried about her milk production) and asked mom to sit with him from 7-9.  The nicu closed at 9 every night.  As mom was on her way back to the trailer, a car pulled in front of her for a few seconds and then moved back into the other lane.  Mom has a habit of reading license plates and she saw that this one said Psalm 34.  Knowing it was no coincidence, she read it as soon as she got back to the hospital...then opened Garrison's bed and shared it with him...over and over and over.  Before I share what it said, I told you in the last post that we didn't stay with my aunt the whole time.  A precious member of our church had just gotten a brand new camper trailer and offered for us to stay in it for the duration of our stay in Little Rock.  It was a really nice one with two bedrooms, a kitchen, living, and dining room...oh, and a flat screen!!  :-)  It was about 10-15 minutes closer to the hospital than my aunt's house.  This is just one of the ways that our church family blessed us during the time Garrison was with us. 

 

Okay...so Psalm 34.  The whole chapter is great (I can't share it all here but encourage you to read it for yourself). It all spoke to our situation but verse 19 was the one we claimed.  "Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord will deliver him out of every one."  We felt as though the Lord had given us a promise.  He would heal Garrison and deliver him from all the infection.  Our interpretation of the scripture is what we clung to.  I know I did!  Let me just say, God was never more real to me than in the seven weeks that Garrison was with us.  He was clear even in the darkness of those bad days.  He gave peace when all we heard was bad news.  

I told you that I would share the meaning of Garrison's name...before I forget...let me do that.  Garrison means, troops in battle.  Manning means, son of the hero.  God knew what he was doing when he placed the names in Bre's mind, for he definitely fought a great battle and was most definitely the son of our Hero!!!  What a mighty God we serve!  It is a reminder that he is in control of EVERYTHING...even when we are unaware.  

More tomorrow...here are some pictures of our little trooper!